Instead of the pictures uploading to the bottom like usual, today the wanted to go to the very top... So we get to start out with them, yay!! Here we can see an example of how weird Italian school is - they won't let girls wear shorts, but if you're bored you can graffiti all over the desks like the girl behind me did here....
Duomo di San Gennaro - the patron saint of Napoli and of Trecase (my town) this church was built like 700 ish years ago in his honor and last week was his Holy Week!! Got to tour the church and see his relics - amazing!!
Too many stray dogs here... Not sure if I've talked about this yet but I WANT TO TAKE THEM ALL HOME WITH ME!!! :((((
Maybe it's because I'm currently watching Titanic - which is one of my all time favorite movies - or maybe it's because my host mom made smiley fries for lunch today... But I'm in a particularly good mood right now!
UPDATE
I apologize for worrying anyone with my last post. I was in a really bad place and it took me until Tuesday morning to snap out of my funk, so to speak. It was a combination of frustration at the language barrier, the cultural differences, and a hearty dose of homesickness all piled on top of the fact that I hadn't run in over 2 weeks!
Monday afternoon tensions finally boiled over when my host family confronted me about why I was being so withdrawn all of a sudden... Immidiately I burst into tears and gave them the "it's not you it's me" speech via google translate - easily the most awkward hour of my life. Monday night I met with my liaison, Yole, who was awesome and really put some things into perspective for me. She was actually an exchange student in Pittsburgh for a year so not only does she speak English, but she knows the keystone state as well :)
While I'm still struggling with a lot of issues here... The depression part has gone away and my life is starting to have some sort of routine, which is helping.
After talking to Yole, my host parents, my American parents, and some other AFSers.... I decided to give it 3 more weeks here, until the 14th, to really think about why I'm doing this and if this truly is the right path for me. I want to make it clear that I'm not leaving on the 14th - I'm merely using that as a deadline for me to make a decision about what I want to do - let's hope that goes well!
I'm taking it day by day here... This whole experience has been completely opposite of what I expected! It has pushed me to limits I didn't even know existed!
That being said, I know right now I can't even really tell the true difference... But sometimes I think back to how I was in June when I first started this blog, and it's like I am 2 different people!!
Hands down, the best part about this exchange has been the food. Whatever you've heard about eating real Italian food in Italy, it's ALL TRUE! Literally everything tastes better over here, bananas, toast, even the water is just better.
Italian have what I call the 4 basic seasoning groups : olive oil, salt, lemon, and Nutella.
If you eat anything over here - I can put money on it there will be at least one of the above in your dish somehow... Although I wouldn't reccomend trying to use all 4 in the same one ;P
My parents sent a care package from America that should be arriving in the next few days and it contains *drumroll* PEANUT BUTTER!! One thing you really can't find in Italy is peanut butter, and sweet mother of God how I have missed it!
My host siblings claim to hate the stuff but I said it's impossible to hate the over processed, sweetened American stuff ;) Everyone here is excited to try some!!
School has been taking up most of my time... But since I don't understand a lot of my subjects such as Latin and Greek, I usually end up going with my tutor/ the English teacher, Prof Pinto, who basically has made me her teaching assistant. While it's really cool to impress everyone with my fluent English, I'm really not learning any new Italian :p I talked to Yole about it and we're in the process of getting my schedule changed so I have more math and science.
I never in a million years expected I'd say this, but.... MATH IS MY FAVORITE SUBJECT!!
Since numbers are pretty universal, I understand at least 80% of the lesson! It really helps that they're learning basic graphing and formulas (y=mx+b Anyone?) that I've known/ studied since 7th grade... So it's basically a refresher for me. PLOT TWIST: I'm the one offering to help the Italians understand the lessons better - not the other way around!
Chemistry is a totally different story, as is every other subject but English.
The worst part is being treated like an idiot and or 5 year old. I am an intelligent person!! Really! You don't understand what I'm saying, but trust me I use big words and proper grammar!!
While I'm actually starting to adjust somewhat to a few things here, I'm still really questioning whether or not I jumped into this whole process before I really thought it through completely.
I'm trying to be as open and positive as I can and while that's really helping, I'm still not adjusting to life here at all.
Gahhhh it sucks so much because I don't want to quit - I want to finish what I started and have the satisfaction of knowing that I survived for 10 months in a foreign county. At the same time, I want to get back on track with my schoolwork and use my junior year for SAT's and college prepping (something that I have to do my senior year and is a huge source of stress for me) I want to get back to running everyday and just be a normal teenager again. Most of all, I want to just feel like I belong again.
I know I know I know... All with time, give it time, time is what you need!! But it's physically impossible for me to waste time - hands down my biggest pet peeve in the entire world - and Italians don't even know what a clock is :P
Can I really wait 5, 6 more months, before I really start to reap the benefits of this exchange? Is my junior year of high school (which is also a once in a lifetime year) worth the amount of stress and pressure I'm under 24/7? Is my personal happiness and health worth compromising, all in the name of this exchange?
Those are just the tip of the iceberg (PS Titanic just sunk so that was the perfect metaphor hehe) seriously my pros and cons list is 4 pages long....
That's what this next 2 weeks is for - to try and make sense of the battle that is currently happening in my brain :P if anyone has any words of encouragement or advice for me, even if it's about who I should root for in the next soccer match... I will gladly and graciously accept!! I'm considering every possible detail so nothing is useless!!
Hands down, whatever I decide, i don't want to disappoint everyone. My friends, my family, everyone is so encouraging and wanting the best for me... It's so stressful to try and make the best decision based on my interests and in the name of making everyone proud. I can't let anyone down, and I need to make the best use possible of this scholarship, but I need to do what's best for me... That's the catch :/
Sorry these blogs haven't been as witty or charming as the usually are... I have to blog from my phone and the caliber of my humor just isn't at the level it was back when I had my nice American desktop and keyboard :P
Titanic just finished (I will ALWAYS cry at this movie, ALWAYS) and so I think it's time to wrap up this post too.... Everyone's support so far has been outstanding and I can't say thank you enough for reading this blog and keeping me strong :)
I love you guys <3
A presto!!!
Hello there!
ReplyDeleteI'm also another fellow AFSer in Indonesia and an avid blog reader. I just wanted to chime in and say that the feelings you're having are extremely normal for an exchange student. I mean if you didn't have those problems you couldn't be an exchange student... The place you're in is exactly where I was a couple weeks ago after discovering my grandpa passed away. I just wanted to say it gets so much better! There will always be low points and there will always be high points. It's important that you treasure the high points and look onto the future at low points. Good luck with your exchange. I hope to see many posts in the future...
Carly
P.S. my host family doesn't let me go running either... I know how you feel... running was my life in the U.S.
Thanks Carly! I appreciate your support/ input... Like I said every little bit helps :) So sorry to hear about your grandfather... But I am also amazed at your strength for staying!! Hopefully we can both get to running again soon :)
ReplyDeleteI read a book called the Exchange Student Survival Kit and it was really helpful on the topic of homesickness. Basically I think what's important about homesickness and culture shock is to go through the process of recognizing it, acknowledging that it makes you feel sad/frustrated/isolated/whatever, and remembering that its okay and normal to feel that way and that it will pass. Calling home sometimes makes it worse. I think its better to look for something (usually food) familiar and comforting. Right now I have a box of mac and cheese in the cabinet just in case. So don't worry about it. The feeling of homesickness will come and go. Also, you're not missing out your junior year, you're adding to the whole high school experience. Finally, don''t worry, you're ready for this. Obviously if you've made it this far then you're meant to be a foreign exchange student now. Don't fret on the little things. If I were you though, I'd have a serious talk with a liaison or your host parents on the whole issue with jogging. If it's effecting you that much then your host family should realize how important it is to you, and allow you to run. Perhaps, if they are worried about your safety while jogging, they should offer to jog with you. If they absolutely refuse to let you go for a jog in the next few weeks, then I'd probably switch to a family that would allow it. Hope this helps; keep calm and carry on :)
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